Today I took a trip down memory lane because why the hell not?
I keep like every email ever in my Gmail account, so I thought it would be fun to do a search for all emails sent the few weeks surrounding my move to Los Angeles.
"Fun" turned out to be not so much.
OH THE MEMORIES! Just seeing the subject lines of all my emails during that time brought old emotions flooding back. SCARED AS SHIT. ANXIETY, ANXIETY, ANXIETY. LONELY WITH ANOTHER DASH OF SCARED!
Almost all of my emails were responses to Craigslist apartment listings, and then a bunch of job applications to very random Graphic Design listings. See screenshot below (just a small sample, I literally had pages of these...):
Now, you may be thinking, "why are apartment listings making you feel scared and anxious again?"
I know apartment listing emails in themselves aren't scary. But they immediately brought me back to my first few weeks in LA when I didn't have a place to live and I didn't have a job, and my parents, whom I am really close with were 3,000 miles away. It was VERY scary.
It's a strange feeling to look back on those and really re-live those emotions. I don't miss it at all. Not one bit. It was nerve-wracking desperately searching for apartments every day, and applying to every job under the sun. I also had about two friends in LA at the time. Yes, that's right. Two. I am incredibly grateful for those 2 people, but at the time it felt like not enough. It felt like I didn't have a real support system. Which is an odd feeling when you're used to being surrounded by friends all the time.
I've recently received emails from some readers expressing their fears. They, too, are feeling scared and anxious. When you contacted me, I could certainly relate. But it wasn't until I read all of my old emails that I really felt connected to that feeling.
Now that I have been in LA for almost 7 years, I am so far away from that feeling. I have a job, my own apartment, and incredible friends all around me, some close enough to feel like family. I hardly ever feel that same level of fear anymore.
But I want you to know that I totally get it. All it takes is a few email subject lines for me to be right back there with you. I understand what it's like to feel scared, and anxious, and lonely. And I want you to know that I am here for you. Your LA Bound family is here for you.
I also want you to know that those feelings, and that moment in time is temporary. Whether you're feeling scared about moving to LA, scared about being new to LA, or scared because you just have no idea where to step or what steps to take right now, it is all temporary. I wish someone told me that when I was going through it. I know it doesn't sound like much, but for me, just knowing that any shitty moment is temporary, is super helpful. Because when you're in it, it feels like this is how it's going to be forever. It feels like you're never going to make it, like you'll never find an apartment, or you'll never find the job. BUT YOU WILL.
I want to share another email that I found:
THIS email makes all those bad feelings completely melt away. This email was about my very first job that I DID GET! And it's the best thing ever to look back on. So, THANK YOU, GMAIL!!! for storing emails from 7 years ago. It's amazing what you can feel just looking back.
I hope this email inspires you. Your fears are all temporary, and you will be celebrating soon.
The only thing you have to do to get through it is NOT GIVE UP! That's it. That's the big secret answer. Just keep going, and you will come out the other side.
Oh, and read the LA Bound blog like it's your job, and listen to the podcasts. I created all of it to help you so that you never have to be as scared or alone as I was when I moved here. LA Bound has got your back.
Sending you so much love!